so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
