just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
