Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize