Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
