You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
