My underwear smells like fireworks.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Still dying that you shit outside
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
