i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize