So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
