So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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