I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
