Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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