taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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