cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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