Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
