never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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