Moan for me like Helen Keller
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We are all done wearing pants today
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