I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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