I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
