the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
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Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
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It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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