last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
i need some magic done to my vagina
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
