he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
