Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
