So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
