Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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