I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
