sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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