So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
