And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
