Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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