I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize