dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
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