They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
