if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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