its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Holy shit dude........stairs
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
