put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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