if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I have demons in me.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You need Xanax blowdarts
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
