I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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