I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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