I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
