haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
