i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
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security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
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So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?