She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
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Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
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Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.