I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
