so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We don't watch enough power rangers
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
