Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i think i just lost a toe
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
