community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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