and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
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she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Boobs are out for the taking
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We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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