Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting married
To pizza
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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