Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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