you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
