6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
