If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
