idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
