mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
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Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
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Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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