so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
